5 Hard Lessons I Learned from Social Media Dating
Slut Shamed and Dumped Because of a Past Hookup
I Choose to Love Myself More Than I Love My Man
5 Reasons to Be with A Man Who Loves Your More
When A Relationship is Almost Right But Not Quite
The In and Out Man: Why Your Ex Man Keeps Coming Back
The Benefits of Settling Down With A Reformed Playboy
Is Marriage Really Hard? Married Folks Speak Out
How to Show Him You’ve Changed & Deserve a Second Chance
5 Moments That Shape a Woman’s Love Life
As I did some searching around on the Web, I found this book, Making Peace with Herpes: A Holistic Guide to Overcoming the Stigma and Freeing Yourself from Outbreaks, by Christopher Scipio. In it he says, “Stop seeing yourself as a victim. You are a human being. You have power. Use your power. Reprogram your mind. You can change your expectations. You can make a peaceful accommodation with the herpes virus and ask it to stay dormant.” You may or may not agree with what he says from a medical perspective, but I do believe in the power of positive thought and a lot of advice I found from herpes sufferers recommended that getting yourself in that frame of mind Scipio describes is key. You’re just a good person who got hit with a bad virus. You can’t change your thinking overnight, but start there … and start today. As far as telling someone, remember this: people tend to behave the way you expect them to behave. So expect that your future someone special will be understanding, supportive, and loving. Consider practicing by telling a friend first; this will give you an idea of the reaction and the types of questions you might get from your partner and you’ll have a better idea of how to say what you want to say after one time through. I think you must tell your future partners before you sleep with them, but avoid starting the conversation when you’re in the heat of the moment; instead have it over a quiet dinner or on a peaceful walk. I know this is tough, but be strong—you can do this. And you can still enjoy emotional and physical relationships the same way you have in the past. Good luck, and please let us know how it goes.
The straight man’s perspective: Chris Kennedy
First off, I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this. All you can do now is manage your herpes with drugs like Valtrex, always use protection, and practice total abstinence when you have an outbreak.
What could make this situation even worse is if you spread this to other people. Unfortunately, the reason you got genital herpes is a partner of yours didn’t know, or worse yet, knew but didn’t tell you, and passed it on to you. Do you want to be someone who continues to perpetrate this? Now that you know, it’s your moral, and ideally legal, obligation to inform any potential partner that you have the disease. So in the interest of health and karma and all things fair, you MUST tell any future partner about this. When? Before anything gets physical. When you kiss and heavy pet with clothes on, there’s no need to tell. But when you get to the point where you start removing clothes, it’s time.
Slut Shamed and Dumped Because of a Past Hookup
I Choose to Love Myself More Than I Love My Man
5 Reasons to Be with A Man Who Loves Your More
When A Relationship is Almost Right But Not Quite
The In and Out Man: Why Your Ex Man Keeps Coming Back
The Benefits of Settling Down With A Reformed Playboy
Is Marriage Really Hard? Married Folks Speak Out
How to Show Him You’ve Changed & Deserve a Second Chance
5 Moments That Shape a Woman’s Love Life
As I did some searching around on the Web, I found this book, Making Peace with Herpes: A Holistic Guide to Overcoming the Stigma and Freeing Yourself from Outbreaks, by Christopher Scipio. In it he says, “Stop seeing yourself as a victim. You are a human being. You have power. Use your power. Reprogram your mind. You can change your expectations. You can make a peaceful accommodation with the herpes virus and ask it to stay dormant.” You may or may not agree with what he says from a medical perspective, but I do believe in the power of positive thought and a lot of advice I found from herpes sufferers recommended that getting yourself in that frame of mind Scipio describes is key. You’re just a good person who got hit with a bad virus. You can’t change your thinking overnight, but start there … and start today. As far as telling someone, remember this: people tend to behave the way you expect them to behave. So expect that your future someone special will be understanding, supportive, and loving. Consider practicing by telling a friend first; this will give you an idea of the reaction and the types of questions you might get from your partner and you’ll have a better idea of how to say what you want to say after one time through. I think you must tell your future partners before you sleep with them, but avoid starting the conversation when you’re in the heat of the moment; instead have it over a quiet dinner or on a peaceful walk. I know this is tough, but be strong—you can do this. And you can still enjoy emotional and physical relationships the same way you have in the past. Good luck, and please let us know how it goes.
The straight man’s perspective: Chris Kennedy
First off, I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this. All you can do now is manage your herpes with drugs like Valtrex, always use protection, and practice total abstinence when you have an outbreak.
What could make this situation even worse is if you spread this to other people. Unfortunately, the reason you got genital herpes is a partner of yours didn’t know, or worse yet, knew but didn’t tell you, and passed it on to you. Do you want to be someone who continues to perpetrate this? Now that you know, it’s your moral, and ideally legal, obligation to inform any potential partner that you have the disease. So in the interest of health and karma and all things fair, you MUST tell any future partner about this. When? Before anything gets physical. When you kiss and heavy pet with clothes on, there’s no need to tell. But when you get to the point where you start removing clothes, it’s time.